If you’ve read a book…

…called Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, then well done for having done so. You won’t need me to tell you what it’s about. If not, why the fuck not? I’m still not going to tell you what it’s about.

Anyway. Here are some of his words, from his website:

When it comes to something like dating, we all readily admit to the importance of what happens in the first instant when two people meet.

Okay, I lied. Here’s further explanation, from the man himself:

[Blink] is concerned with the smallest components of our everyday lives – with the content and origin of those instantaneous impressions and conclusions that bubble up whenever we meet a new person, or confront a complex situation, or have to make a decision under conditions of stress. I think it’s time we paid more attention to those fleeting moments.

So do I, Malcolm, so do I. We should indeed take rapid cognition seriously. I’m sure most of us have experienced making a split-second decision. Said decision may have every appearance of being impulsive, and certainly not based on a thorough knowledge of such facts as were available. There simply wouldn’t have been time. Except, at some level, you probably were aware of a great mass of information. It simply bypassed the usual conscious route of decision making and jumped straight to the point where you acted. And that action may well have been wonderfully, horribly appropriate.

So, I met someone once. And I had an immediate, overpowering, unsettling feeling of something being Wrong. Of course, I struggled against this apparently irrational instinct – what had he done that I should feel so uncomfortable around him? Nothing. Nothing that I knew of. He seemed superficially nice. So we wrestled through some dates and all the while, this sense was building in a surge of unease. I felt tense beyond belief when he was in close proximity and that’s never ideal when you’re supposed to be starting a relationship. Of course the colossal wave of his dishonesty finally broke, and I wished I’d gone with the initial impulse to back. away. from. the. man. 20/20 hindsight, as always.

So, back to the part where we all readily admit to the importance of what happens in the first instant when two people meet. We do though, don’t we? Rational or not, we know first impressions matter and we are BEASTS for judging on appearance. As well we should be. Take a moment to consider the wealth of genetic information displayed via someone’s physique. That’s pertinent stuff, if you allow that people are basically programmed to procreate. But there’s indubitably more to meeting than looking. All those behavioural cues inevitably wash over us, and I’d argue that they’re of equal import. Yes, people can train themselves to flash a sunny smile and shake your hand with just the right degree of pressure, but for every manufactured gesture there’ll be many more subliminal messages.

We would, I think, be well advised to go with our instincts.