…aren’t they? I don’t think this one came true:
I’d say without wishing to be remotely arrogant, that I’m an above average male; my subsequent academic work and ongoing research work (in my spare time, when not running my own company) would hopefully count in the above average intelligence stakes.
Yeah, someone done sent me a message. This, apparently, is supposed to encourage me to reply to him, indeed, to want to get to know him. BECAUSE IF THERE’S ONE THING I LACK IN MY LIFE IT’S A CONCEITED TWAT OF A MAN WITH A STAGGERING SENSE OF SELF-IMPORTANCE.
Okay, so my criteria for that mythical beast the ideal match does state above average man, above average intelligence. But fuck ME, there must be more subtle ways of displaying such qualities. It’s not a fucking checklist. They don’t have to answer everything I mention. I’m not sitting here ticking off points and adding up scores. I never was. That is NOT how I roll.
Aha, so now you might be wondering just how does the ‘knickers roll… and what, like a terrifying missile of criticism and questionable humour, does she seek? This I can only describe in negative terms. Do Not Want Idiot. That’s all, really. You should probably know by now that I’m never going to deliberately give you a useful insight or current truth. I R bastard like that.
I also have experience of web publishing and a typing speed of 55 wpm. This, I am sure you will agree, is above average. Did I mention I run my own company?
I hope you will give due consideration to my application. I mean, I really, really want the job.
Which job is this?
The job your suitor seems to be applying for (ie being with you). The checklist approach is so much like applying for a job, ’specially with his choice of evidence. It’s written nearly as badly as some of my applications at any rate.
Riiiiight. So you’ve just applied to be Mr ‘knickers then. Have you thought this through?
….if Dan pulls out, can I apply in his stead?
um, really?
My first post was intended as a humourous extension of his message! Not my own application… I have not thought that through. I think you’re funny and pretty, but I’d be bloody scared of being written about after the date.
I only write about pre 2009. Unless you can do time-travel [or we've already, ahem, met] you’re 100% safe.
That’s not to say I’m trying to give you a job, as it were. Just need to clarify that I do not write about current events, and nor will I write about future men. I MAKE THESE RULES YOU KNOW. AND I MAKE THEM BECAUSE I’m not a complete cunt.
That’s reassuring. I think you said that before anyway – and you’re definitely not.
-1 to the ‘knickers for not “hurr hurr”-ing at “pulls out”. I may prove to be lenient as it was quite late, but if not then I’ll have you over my knee quicksmart.
Hurr hurr.
Can we all laugh at the luddite who can’t figure out how to put his reply at the bottom of the page?
LOLOLOLOLOLOCAUST
You might find this interesting:
http://www.priestslovekids.com
In a perfect world, maybe. =(