…compiled a list of The World’s Most Succesful chat-up lines and approaches. Don’t worry. They’ve been thoroughly researched and road-tested by a panel of Experts including Gillian McKeith, Uri Geller, the fat one off of Trinny and Susannah, Jeremy Beadle [God Rest His Soul], Liz Jones and Richard Hammond. You’ll find a tactic for every occasion, this I can Guarantee. Here you go:
At the park
I like your child/dog/frisbee. Would you like to have sex in the bushes?
At the local swimming baths
Is your back hairy so that all the water runs off?
On the motorway
[Flash your lights and flirtatiously bumper-nudge cars with Baby on Board signs displayed. The driver's probably fertile.]
At a discotheque
hah. hah. HAH. You’re dancing, I see.
At a bar
I wanna fuck you ’til you explode.
At the library
WHERE ARE THE DAN BROWN BOOKS?
On the street
Mummy had to work late so she sent me to pick you up. That’s right, I’m mummy’s friend. In you jump. No, not the door, the boot. Under the blanky. Good good.
In the canteen
Can I sip your milk?
On the train
[Don't say a word. Just stare.]
In the supermarket
Can’t help noticing you’ve got cornflakes in your trolley. If I fuck you, can I have some?
In a cab
Is this petrol or diesel?
In the bank
I bet *you’ve* seen a lot of cock.
100% success or your £moneys back. Double promise.
By A River:
are you wet? cos if not i can push you in?
You’ve missed the point a bit. By a river you need to say something like do you like rape?
I NEVER GET THESE! it took me ages to work out Shinybiscuit’s cake thing…
i’m so stupid >_<
The Dan Brown one will probably work.
Anyway I’m going to have a lot of fun trying these. Thanks, ‘knickers.
Probably? Try DEFINITELY.
SHIT! I’m off to the cinema tonight and I don’t know which of those to use! HELP!
At the cinema: “Would you like spunk on your popcorn?”
ACE! I was a bit nervous going in, but I used your line and it worked BRILLIANTLY! Thanks Cami! *thumbs up*
Surely double-promise has the same effect as a double-negative?
Wrong, innit.
I can vouch for the Supermarket line. Works everytime..