…or maybe a few OBSERVATIONS.
Twins: overrated.
Women who are fiercely jealous if you speak to their partner usually have a partner who is, as they say, Nothing Special.
Flowers: easiest way in the world to make me overlook anything bad you have done. Unless they are chrysanthemums or carnations. Those are shit.
Sportsfans: not clever enough to read.
There is little more hideous than a man with a haircut, y’know, like you might see on a T4 presenter or star of the critically acclaimed documentary Hollyoaks.
Nightclubs. In many ways a nightclub is like a water-butt full of stagnant rain and mosquito larvae. I think I need say no more.
Internet dating: HEY! Let’s sell unrealistic expectations! HAHAH! You’ll hate yourself so much more once you’ve become enmeshed in an embarrassing and disheartening cycle of paying to meet wrong-side-of-average prospects! YOU FUCKING LOSER!
Marriage must be great. Why else would people keep getting married and divorced and married and divorced and married again? Either that or it’s some kind of altruistic act aimed at keeping women in shoes and solicitors in caviar.
Everyone you know and love will die. The only uncertainty is in which manner and order.
Your final line is the absolute truth of course. Everyone understands it, but few really comprehend its significance – initially. Only when my wife survived breast cancer did it finally dawn upon me. It altered my perspective, and I no longer feared failure. Now I write funny stories on the internet – and I really don’t care if some people find them shit: There’s always someone who will – and if there’s not? Well never mind. Well look at that – you’ve got me all philosophical.
Tooty
Internet dating. Marriage. Nightclubs. You’ve got my personal list of hoodoo’s right there.
Good article.
“some kind of altruistic act aimed at keeping women in shoes and solicitors in caviar”
Genius, as usual. I shall plagiarise it later, many thanks.
You won’t be the first.