I’m female, twenty-eight, London-based, currently unemployed and using all this wonderful free time to write about past, failed, fucked relationships. It’s less a list of conquests, more a series of unfortunate events. So if you’re a British tax-payer, cheers. Without you, none of this would be possible. If you’re one of my exes, double-cheers.
Hope you will find what you are looking for. In Love as well as work etc..
You certainly made me smile by thanking your exes for paying the taxes AND giving you so much material to write about.
Love the way you think, i had a great laugh, thank you.
loving your blog! you crack me up! and yeah, we do have a lot in common… weird! (not to mention our taste in blog templates haha) so glad the wonderful technology of tags introduced us
and hey u ARE beautiful..
mind takin me as one of ur future-lover-soon-to-be-ex??
lolz
now wash your hands.
Gooooood stuff!
(1) You’re very talented and incredibly funny so fuck getting a job, you’re made to write so stick with it.
(2) You should ask Charlie Brooker out, he’d totally go for it.
(3) A guy once hit on me in the waiting room of a GUM clinic. Seriously.
I like you. I like you a lot.
“Bridget Jones for the noughties. Funny, frank and often brutal rendering of modern day life. Five Stars”
My panel tells me I should reply with “You uninspired cunt. LOL”
Sorry about that.
Mr Jones Marketing Executive at MAC-TING plc shuffled his papers, placed them in the outbox and turned his attention to his computer. Durex, Stagecoach and Chelsea FC were easily dispatched with but the next one was different. He clicked on it and he began to think about last night. The page loaded ending his daydream. He laughed his deep slow laugh as he read the content and he entered his reply.
“NO NO NO DUM DUM. YOU ALL WRONG. THIS = MARKETING G-OLD, LIGHT THE BASTARD TOUCHPAPER AND TOUCH THE FUCKING MOON. THINK CATCHLINE MOVIE/BOOK/FEATURES, CAMERON DIAZ MINGING ABOUT AS U. BRIDGET JONES=$$ FORGET BEING AN ‘ARTISTE’ WAKE UP AND SMELL THE FUCKING COFFEE PRNCESS”
He clicked send. ‘Ah the young’ he said to no-one, ‘to be young’.
Did I put somert here yesterday? Wife said I did but can’t remember, was comatose drunk, gin- bed most of day. Am i the stalker, oh deary me what have I said. Anyway best of luck, fair comment an all, will leave writing to the writers from now on. Chin-up, keep positive its when ya stop making mistakes you need to worry. Off I toodle, no more gin, just the JS. Nighty duck.
Yes I am a Twitter kitten herded your way by Mr Juliansimpson, and bloody grateful I am for it too. Utterly brilliant blog, provided me with much entertainment today. Thank you.
And I like your “you uninspired cunt. LOL” – like the “LOL” is going to soften the blow.
At least you didn’t emoticon.
I must not leave offensive remarks if I wish my comments to appear unedited.
I must not leave offensive remarks if I wish my comments to appear unedited.
I must not leave offensive remarks if I wish my comments to appear unedited.
I must not leave offensive remarks if I wish my comments to appear unedited.
I must not leave offensive remarks if I wish my comments to appear unedited.
I must not leave offensive remarks if I wish my comments to appear unedited.
I must not leave offensive remarks if I wish my comments to appear unedited.
I must not leave offensive remarks if I wish my comments to appear unedited.
I must not leave offensive remarks if I wish my comments to appear unedited.
I must not leave offensive remarks if I wish my comments to appear unedited.
Told you this on Twatter already, but I really like your Blog. It’s funny and refreshingly blunt (I live in Canada and nobody uses the c*** word here, see, not even me – but I’m from the UK originally so I know how to use it, I just forget sometimes – I’m old too – hey, that’s like one of your suitors!).
Anyway, as someone else said, fuck finding a job, write this stuff for a living. I am ‘between paying positions’ right now too.
Anyway, there you go. This isn’t a statement about ongoing love and I’m not asking you to marry me, but I want you to know that I’ve bookmarked you.
And I want you to know that I appreciate your support and kind words, but I don’t get why you don’t want to marry me. WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO MARRY ME?
Well ok then. How’s next Saturday? The pub next to the church. 9AM.
I’ll be the one in the sandals and socks.
I should consider my attitude if I wish my comments and URL to appear unedited.
I should consider my attitude if I wish my comments and URL to appear unedited.
I should consider my attitude if I wish my comments and URL to appear unedited.
I should consider my attitude if I wish my comments and URL to appear unedited.
I should consider my attitude if I wish my comments and URL to appear unedited.
I should consider my attitude if I wish my comments and URL to appear unedited.
I should consider my attitude if I wish my comments and URL to appear unedited.
I should consider my attitude if I wish my comments and URL to appear unedited.
I should consider my attitude if I wish my comments and URL to appear unedited.
I should consider my attitude if I wish my comments and URL to appear unedited.
Attitude duly considered.
Will you accept an apology?
I apologise.
Enjoying the blog.
FAB blog!!!
x
Wowzas you are nearly as angry as me. Stumbled over this blog and liked it so much that I’m going to link it from mine. Which, of course, will mean you get around 1 new reader a year. Keep up the good work
Thank you, sweetpea.
The anger’s mainly a front. Inside it’s bunnies and sunshine all the way. True story.
I have a feeling that you won’t like this, but if Clarkson is really a god, then you are a goddess.
Don’t stop, we need all the laughs we can get. Love the blog, love the tweets.
Best wishes, where would you like me to leave this ten pound note?
Thank you Uncle. I’ll try and write something later today.
You can post any spare cash via the ‘Ethics Girl’ page. The link’s not just for show…
If you need help with love (or just drinking and being weird) I can help.
mail me or ignore me and that.
No idea why I am doing this. Hungover
You’re a right minx. I’d fuck you. Then I’d let you suck my balls dry. Cheers.
It Was ‘JESUS CUNTING CHRIST’ that got my attention, why does it make me laugh so much?
Just found you randomly on Twitter, so figured I’d check out your blogs. Your rapier-like wit, dry sense of humour, slightly darker overtones and excessive use of the cunt word is right up my street.
Your Twitter bio, too, is extremely concise and nothing short of genius.
I’m so glad I didn’t ask you to marry me.
And I’m SO glad they’re keeping you busy at… oh, if only there was some way I could find out who this anonymous charmer is? And where they are? Oh, if only I had, say, an IP address…
“This address space is used for BBC Staff members accessing the internet. In case of any problems with users of this address space (spam, attacks, illegal activity, etc) please email abuse@bbc.co.uk”
Get back to work, cunt.
Love the blog. I laughed. I laughed HARD. I think I wet my chair a little.